Dexter Is Amazing

by Emma Bush on February 21, 2019

It was seven degrees outside this morning when I conceded to the fact that I wasn’t going to get a good night’s sleep.  This happen’s.  Usually Right in time with my period.  Like a lil reminder to be coherent during discomfort.   I don’t know.  Sim and Clyde had gone off on some cat adventure in the snow hours prior, and Ebbie and I had been snuggling, staring at the glow of Youtube which is one of the tools I am using to educate myself without paying for it….sneaking in an education….for free…

Imagine that.

Not having to pay to be knowledgeable.  Just having knowledge available, should you have the tools. – What a concept.  You can know if you want to.

I thought I may sneak into mom’s back bathroom and saturate myself in hot water, and warm up….Ebbie was excited because she thought we were going on a run, but, when I left the RV I turned my mom’s propane fireplace up so that I could feel the heat and just hugged and pet her for a moment.  “No run right now, Ebbie.”  I told her.  “It’s too cold outside.  Let’s just warm up!”

It makes me smile in my heart to see her tail wag….I’ve had her a year now, almost to the day.  And I wonder what transpired that first year of her life….before I picked her up at the shelter, a stray….puppy prison…a gift that I was given….Ebbie was.  We’ll talk about that more later.

I don’t know if it was the freeze, or the fact that Clancy, my mother’s oldest, most obnoxious but cool cat liked to sit and let the faucet drip on his head, and he will sit there and groom himself and purrrrrr all contented.  He loves the bathtub, that cat….but perhaps he has sat there too much and shed too much because the drain was not draining, and the tub looked inhospitable.

So I went back to where Ebbie was, told her I would be back in a minute, and hopped into the car on a quick jaunt to the Clark Fork Beverage to get some breakfast….and there I met my  neighbors.  Dexter, with his radio voice, prior to going to feed the cows, and then, what a surprise, Mr. Zack Archer walked in, a giant of a man, getting ready for a day of railroad….and I sat and I chatted as I warmed my hands on the coffee cup, and then just sat back, contented to listen to them banter….grateful for the warmth of the coffee in my belly, and the inside of the store, and that small town start, somewhat nostalgic of my Eglon, though quite a ways a way from the Puget Sound….Dexter reminds me of Denny Thorne.  And it was a delightful start to the day.

A pic of mom and Denny Thorne, many moons ago... A pic of mom and Denny Thorne, many moons ago…

This is what I am looking at this morning….and I am reminded that life is a gift, and God is good.  And I don’t know anything right know but that I am going to continue to write….and document, like I once did….because right now I’m just a work in progress.  That’s all I know.  I just I need to keep pushing forward.  Tranga Sig Fram style.

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Cold night….

by Emma Bush on February 13, 2019

I’m afraid I’m supposed to do something.

I’m sitting here, in a home one wheels, slowly but surely trying to prepare myself and mine for what seems like an impending Armageddon. In an objective way, I feel like I’m just an investigative journalist watching as humanity cracks and crumbles, sways…but I want to see humanity echelon into formation. And live. And keep being.

I remember, as I continue with this story….some of the lessons I’ve learned in life. I have learned I have found myself in places I could not help myself any more than I was able in the moment. And on this night walk, two years ago, I realized that I was in a place nobody cared to help me, being spoken down to, and called names. This man must have been hurt before….for him to have treated me with such disdain. It is obvious to me they have no idea what happened. It’s obvious to me that two years ago, walking away from Apple Tree Cove, that man had definitely been robbed before, and by setting foot on his property I was unintentionally disrespecting his manhood, or so it seamed by the number of names he called me. I had momentary Hope when I heard him get into his vehicle….but that quickly subsided while he drove past me, “I’m going to call the cops!”

“Thank you! Yes please! My name is Emma Kristine Nielsen Bush….please, yes, call the cops….”  Then he turned around and came back towards me.  He slowed near me, I could feel the temperature difference of him….emanating from the bed of his truck….I just needed some warmth…

But he didn’t like me, this stupid girl, that told him she had gotten caught in a high tide….and instead of helping he started calling me names… he must have felt as if he had warded off the threat to his home while he looked down at me from his steel steed….he drove past me the last time, this time his window rolled up. And he didn’t even look at me. And I had just got done telling him my birthday and SS number…88 …When he didn’t look at me, is when he realized I wasn’t a threat, so he didn’t need to call the police to protect his things….No cops were coming.  I knew it.

I could literally feel my self esteem and self worth depreciate as continued to walk. It was evident that man had no idea who I was or what I am about because of the names he was calling me.  Shouting out “Tweaker.” And “Thief.” And though I understood white trash – cause I don’t what else I am but some white trash, I do know that I am not a tweaker, or a thief. There is a power bar I owe Walgreens but you do not now what hungry was and I can forgive myself for it.  And sorry Uncle Sam, God showed me cold medicine before you showed me meth and …. So survival aside -I prayed silently (in my mind I was very much screaming,) that the man had really called the police.

Some cars slowed. Some were probably not even aware I was there in the dark of the Kingston Winter Night.

But eventually, I got very discouraged. Not only was my body shutting down, but my heart was….remembering all the times I helped strangers. And then there I was in the black winter night, like a dejavu version of reality in the Twilight Zone….

When I hit the Albertson’s at the KK intersection, I HIT IT.  I pounded on the front door and watched as my breath fogged up the glass and then when my tears and snot dirtied their window I felt a..resolve.  Keep going….Four more miles now….don’t stop….YOU WILL MAKE IT EMMA.

And then I started praying again.  I had wigwamed myself.   Or straight jacketed, put my arms inside my shirt so that I could try and maintain my body heat.  A car was coming, this time, I was done asking for help.  Asking for help was stupid, humiliating, and depressing.

But when the Jeep pulled over, and a man with the last name Brazeau (which was famililar to me) pulled over when he saw me stumbling down the sideway, “Ma’am, you sure look like you could use some help.”

I almost started crying.  And my good Samaritan turned the heat up, and he talked to me like a one normal human being to another….and dropped me safely back in Eglon where my night had begun.

 

OH FULL CIRCLE.  That’s like a chapter.  or something.  Maybe someday.

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Continuing with the Story….”Asking for Help”

February 10, 2019

  Continued from Yaweh is Better than My Way I couldn’t feel my arms, or my legs.  Walking felt like walking on stubs….when the tide finally rolled out enough that I was able to trudge through knee deep water until I finally met dry ground.  I thought of many things….but foremost on my mind was […]

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(side note)….interupting my story

February 7, 2019

https://www.patreon.com/posts/24523934 just so you know…. I’ve lost a lot of my compassion for people.  That’s sad.  Tired of being judged by assholes.  I can do it to. Like this:Like Loading…

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I’m a Bad Liar

February 6, 2019

So I tell truths that hurt everyone.  And myself.  But lying is like….walking death.  Living other people’s lies?  Murdered my insides.  So…I’m glad to be a bad liar.  Cause even if truth hurts, I’d rather the pain, than the death that comes from lies and secrets that other’s imposed on me.   Like this:Like Loading…

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Yaweh is Better Than My Way

February 6, 2019

The water was almost up to my waist.  I was numb and near frozen, and removed my gloves, trying to keep them dry, worried about what I had in my backpack as the water was now saturating whatever was inside it.  The Puget Sound was oddly warm compared to the outside weather…still cold….but not freezing.  […]

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Night Walker

February 6, 2019

I have been one to go out on night walks my entire life. It was different when I went to the city, but I wasn’t raised in a city, I was raised in the country in a community where I didn’t have to worry about strangers.  I had neighbors I knew to avoid, that we […]

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Continued….

February 6, 2019

I wake up every day. It just happens, like magic. Cause I don’t always go to bed expecting to wake up. But I do. Very…consistent of me… That night, two years ago…when I made it to the Eglon Beach…The tide was out. It reminded me of being six years old….mom had stayed at home, but […]

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What IF….

February 5, 2019

What if EARTH was ACTUALLY the heart of GOD. And God LOVED HIS HEART. There you have it. The earth is a man. HOT DAMN. OH MAN. BUT WOE MAN. WHOA MAN. WHOA. WOE MAN.  Slow ….slow… That would mean this transagenda was like something icky that you ought to not licky so sorry no […]

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The Point

February 4, 2019

Across the Hansville Highway from Eglon was the Indian Reservation.   The Sklallam Tribe.  They were my friends.  We shared the same bus route.  As I walked towards the Casino, I was churning with so much disdain.  Life has taught strange lessons.  Cold has been…painful.  But I’m forty now so … I’m numb to it. Winter […]

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Baby It’s Cold Outside….

February 4, 2019

Two years ago I walked away from Kountry Korners in Kingston, WA, after facing some giants and confronting some of yesterday that was and is probably still happening in today, so as to do this thing that I like to think of as….freeing myself from the responsibility…   I had just had a blowout with […]

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This is How I’m Going to Proceed

February 4, 2019

emmabush.com ….is me – here and now….forty years into this journey…journeying and blogging and writing …. ghostspeaking.com – will be more of my artsy stuff.  I want to invest in some whiteboard animation and play with some different artsy fartsy stuff….poetry, short stories, etc…. and my patreon account (You’re support is greatly appreciated….)  patreon.com/ghostspeaking will […]

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I Am Worried Bout Humanity

January 25, 2019

Yes.  I am.  I don’t have a family to worry bout but YOU ALL.  And I’m worried bout YOU ALL.  I love YOU ALL….I just don’t know what to say bout your agenda’s, craving’s desires, lusts, and how you stomp on one another to achieve them.  Or your blind eyes, that look the other ways, […]

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Watch.

January 24, 2019

I stopped watching TV long ago because it kept getting, grosser and grosser, opted to stream documentaries and educate myself  while I’m able absorb information…You should watch this documentary….these peeps have been putting out solid, investigative information for quite awhile now and have been a comforting voice on this journey into the Twilight Zone of […]

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FREEEE MASON!

January 24, 2019

Listen….I know the NOISE HAS BEEN LOUD but now is the time to take the ear plugs out.   And to start figuring out where you stand….Cause this world got inflicted and infected with a common-problem….a lil rattle snnnnneaaaaaky lil snake may take TOO MUCH from you before it’s too late.   Be aware. God I pray […]

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I’m A Good Dog-Ma :)

January 24, 2019

I just took Ebbie out on a night run in this new get up that a dear and sweet Shawn N. gifted me this Christmas to replace the dilapidated, run down Adult Trike that we had before.   It is actually a lot of fun.   I’ll try to get a video of it. When I was […]

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Unraveling the Mess….

January 22, 2019

SNOWBALL by Emma Bush 2015 Once I was nothing more than a drop of rain?, up high in the sky?, yet to feel the pain of change… just a drop dripping and falling down towards that impressive ground, down below?, where I watched all the other raindrops go. Perhaps I don’t know as much as […]

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A War On Children

January 21, 2019

A war on children…. (FYI….anal sex is NOT ABSTINENCE) – it’s sodomy. This documentary is 10 minutes long, and it get’s right into the GUTS of it….and it’s important, because these children are being mass groomed and mass manipulated and although organizations such as Planned Parenthood or Big Pharma may get immensely rich because of […]

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Things I Don’t Want to Forget

January 19, 2019

I was a life documenter because I wanted to remember. Dementia runs in my family….so sue me I leave notes to self on my arm in the form of tattoos….Fred Bryant, when I asked him, after he asked me two years ago, upon a face to face visit, if I had any questions. “Yes….why did […]

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Shelter

January 19, 2019

I have not been feeling well for a short bit here.  It was oncoming….I thought I could ignore it, but as my mom pointed out, when I finally put a flashlight to the back of my throat….”How has ignoring the problem been treating you?”  Right before she got overly serious about the importance of gargling […]

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Stand By Me

January 4, 2019

  Kevin may be taking a drive over the mountains in the upcoming months….who knows…. I am excited to hug my brother. I love that we have learned we can facetime (though we don’t do it as much as we should.) He’s my protector.  I told him that years ago….and he said that he felt […]

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9-1-1—-

January 2, 2019

Before Emma was on an ambulance she was on a hospital ship….the M/V Anastasis (yes, I’m referring to myself third person, get used to it.) I‘m going to begin to tell you about what happened overseas….what my eyes did see.  And witness.  Where I was and what life was and such is…not bliss….but …hopeful. The […]

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Punch Sleep

January 2, 2019

I woke up this morning punching the wall. I punched three rapid fire right hands. Bam bam bam. I woke up on the third punch, sort of lurching upright. In my dream I had been in the ring….this is a dream similar to others that come from time to time, and it followed the usual […]

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Always In the Background

December 27, 2018

I’m not going anywhere…. I’m not going anywhere.  I just have nothing more to say. I once thought I wanted to be a writer.   I ghosted for awhile…. I don’t want to be a writer any longer. I haven’t wanted to be for a long long time.  I just felt obligated … like that was […]

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Homecoming

December 26, 2018

Home. Your roots, your foundation. No matter the wind that batters, nor the storms that have shaken, nothing, not even time, from your memory and heart, can it be taken. Homecoming By Emma Nielsen 1993 I am sitting here now, on this beautiful summer afternoon, looking out over the yard.  It is not as it […]

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2 8ths

February 8, 2019

The interesting thing … Is that the Real Queen Be…. Shall be. I just got home from an sketchy adventure with ebbie…. Her sniffer must really piss her off. She probably smells things she does not understand. She probably smells scents of other dens… CONFUSION. Like this:Like Loading…

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